


Leaving

by joeyrz



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-11-16
Updated: 2003-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-17 07:47:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/174534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joeyrz/pseuds/joeyrz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set before Season 1 of Xena. Joxer’s thinks [about his life at home].</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leaving

You’ve never met my parents. And thank all the gods in Olympus for it. You would’ve run screaming for the hills. Believe me, you’re better off not knowing the most fucked up couple in this world.

I know, I know. You’re gonna say: “That’s fucked up? That’s nothing, I’ve known worse.”

Well, yeah. You probably have. But do they continue to be together, knowing that all they’re gonna do is keep being fucked up? No. Most sane people know what they are, know that the only solution to their problem is to separate, divorce, or kill each other.

My parents don’t know this. Well, to be fair, they do. But they don’t pay attention to their rational sides. They have this... this thing inside of them that doesn’t let them separate. A time ago, I used to believe that it was love. That underneath all the ugly words, and fights, and tears, and loathing, there was love. Maybe not love ‘in-love’ love, but a ‘we’ve been together 20 years, you’re the mother/father of my children’ love.

I was wrong. Oh so wrong. Time alone has proven that. They say love is conquers all. They are right. I know. So they couldn’t possibly still love each other. It couldn’t possibly be love. Mom says she still loves Father. She doesn’t. What she calls love, I call fear. Fear of being alone, fear of growing old alone. Fear of failing at marriage. Fear of what people will think. Fear of financial insecurity. And most of all, fear of angering Hera. You see, Hera presided over Mom and Father’s marriage, blessed it even. For a blessed marriage of Hera to go wrong... it takes a lot. And Hera is never pleased when something like that happens.

And Father... well, men are cowards. He is desperate to leave, everyday he says he’ll pick up and leave, go join another army, use all of his contacts, go find Jett and work with him. And leave me and Jace to deal with Mom’s eventual breakdown.

Because, you see, Jace and me... we can’t find a way to leave. We’re old enough. We could travel, see the world. I could join some noble warrior on his quest for justice, Jace could join a theatre group somewhere. But, we’re men, and we’re cowards. And we don’t go. Afraid for Mom. Afraid that if we leave, she’ll give up. Break down. And end up in a padded cell somewhere.

Well, until last night. This morning I woke up, and Jace was gone. Got his things together and left. No goodbye, just a ripped piece of parchment on my pillow that said: “I’m sorry little brother. We’ll find each other again, someday.”

I’m slowly going crazy here, and I wonder whose cosmic joke am I. Which god did I anger in my 22 years of age, to deserve this life. I’m slowly going crazy here, loosing my mind, loosing my ability to laugh. I feel the walls closing in. Mom didn’t even notice that Jace was gone, Father just said ‘good riddance’, and I’m a triplet abandoned by his two brothers.

I can’t anymore. I just can’t.

I can’t.

I need to leave.

I have to leave.

Can’t live like this one more second.

I gotta go.

Need to leave.

One more day I’ll go insane.

I can leave this house.

Move, feet, move.

“Joxer! Sweetie, get Mama a blanket.”

“Coming, Mom!”

I’ll leave tomorrow.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote this, this story was slightly autobiographical. Thankfully, the issues from back then have been long resolved.


End file.
